


Tree House

by MKZ4345



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 01:37:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19842856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MKZ4345/pseuds/MKZ4345
Summary: It was their favorite place. Even in the summer, the horridly humid Ohio summers, Tyler and Josh would be up in the tree house out in the woods behind Tyler’s house. The two boys, nearly finished with high school, spent all their time out in the forest. Tyler loved using the isolated space to exercise his musical ideas without being heard. Josh loved getting away from his controlling parents and getting to listen to whatever weird music Tyler came up with.Some of their best days were spent in the tree house or around it. But they also spent their bad days there. Like today.





	Tree House

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this written for, eh, about six thousand years. Okay, actually I wrote this in November of 2018, so I've been sitting on it for a long-ass time (seven months to be exact). I don't know why, I wrote it and instantly liked it and was really happy with it. I've since edited it and become even more happy with it. And yet, I still hadn't posted it. 
> 
> Anyway, I remember this was sort of cathartic to write, so I hope it comes off that way. I hope you enjoy! As always, please comment if there are any errors I didn't catch.

It was their favorite place. Even in the summer, the horridly humid Ohio summers, Tyler and Josh would be up in the tree house out in the woods behind Tyler’s house. The two boys, nearly finished with high school, spent all their time out in the forest. Tyler loved using the isolated space to exercise his musical ideas without being heard. Josh loved getting away from his controlling parents and getting to listen to whatever weird music Tyler came up with.

Some of their best days were spent in the tree house or around it. But they also spent their bad days there. Like today.

Tyler had gotten in a shouting match with his mother over basketball. It was starting to get demanding and Tyler wanted to focus on music, but his mother insisted that if he continued he would get a full ride scholarship to college and that he should drop music.

Josh’s father had found one of his CDs that he hid under his floor boards, having left it out and forgotten about it. What ensued was his father tearing apart Josh’s room to find any other “signs of sin” lurking around.

Both of them had slipped away after things simmered down, and both of them met at the tree house.

When Tyler saw Josh, face tear-stained like his own, he said nothing. Josh also remained silent. They climbed up into the tree house and Tyler sat down at his keyboard in the corner and Josh flopped into one of their beanbags and put in earbuds.

As Josh started to drum his fingers on his knee, Tyler used it as a metronome for his anger and poured it into a melody. Tyler had written half a song by the time Josh’s song ended, so he sat back and cracked his neck. Josh kept to himself for a while, getting out his frustration by hitting his legs to the beat of his songs. Tyler walked around, thinking, mumbling possible lyrics, and watching a bird outside one of the windows.

“Tyler?” Tyler’s mother’s voice called from below the tree house and Tyler stopped walking. “Honey, are you up there?”

Tyler said nothing, but poked his head out one of the windows, looking down at his mother.

“I’m sorry honey,” she said, sounding truly upset at herself. “I didn’t mean to make it seem like I don’t love that you’re making music, I really am proud of you for that. I just think that the basketball scholarship would be really good for you since you’d be able to attend college with it.”

“… I get that…” Tyler said, resting his head in his hands. “I just don’t want to go to school for basketball.”

They had a long conversation, calm this time. His mother was still insistent, Tyler was still hesitant. Josh didn’t listen to any of it. He was busy crying into a pillow while listening to “sinful” music and wishing he hated it, wishing he could be perfect for his parents. When Tyler’s mom left and Tyler returned to the piano bench, Josh hid his face. Tyler didn’t ask questions or even say anything. Josh thanked him with silence.

Tyler decided to lay down on the floor, and Josh flipped over to look down at him. He turned his music off. Tyler stared at the ceiling until the lines were carved into the backs of his eyes. Josh stared at Tyler until he didn’t feel like shit. He wanted to hear Tyler’s voice.

“Can you sing one of the songs you’re working on?” Josh asked quietly, knowing that Tyler didn’t really like singing for people.

“Sure,” Tyler said. He began to sing and Josh closed his eyes. His parents would never call music Tyler made sinful, would they? 

_Open the slits / in your face / and start your day_

Josh listened intently, wishing he could hear the piano that goes with this song.

_You don’t have much time / to make your slits / look just right_

_I’m in your mind_

_I’m singin’_

_I’m in your mind_

_I’m singin’ / la da~ la da~ la da~ la da~ la da~ la da~ la da~ da_

Josh began to cry again. Tyler didn’t say anything if he noticed.

_Look in the mirror / and ask your soul / if you’re alright_

Tyler stopped to take a deep breath, Josh opened his eyes. Tyler was crying too. They stared at each other. Josh wiped his face and so did Tyler.

“Today is a bad day,” Josh said, his voice as tired as he was.

“Yeah.” Tyler scrubbed at his face with his hands. “I’m tired.”

“Me too.”

“Let’s sleep.”

“Okay.”

They moved to the bean bags, pushing them next to each other and laying to face one another. Tyler stared, counting the breaths Josh took. Josh stared, counting every time Tyler blinked. Eventually, after grabbing blankets and pillows too, cuddling together and not saying a word about it, they fell asleep. Tyler dreamed, for once not just of darkness. Josh didn’t, a long overdue break from his chaotic dreams.

They only woke up when Tyler’s mother was shouting for them, her tone strained and worried. Tyler’s first thought was that they had pulled up the ladder so that no one could follow them up. Josh’s was that Tyler’s hair was really soft against his neck.

They got up, much to both of their dismay. Tyler threw the ladder down, startling his mother and sparking a flurry of “are you okay”s and “it’s been hours”s and “you missed dinner”s. Nothing Tyler hadn’t heard before.

Josh decided to go home, knowing his family was probably worried too. Tyler said goodnight, since the sun was down now. They hugged, not talking about how they lingered a moment too long. Tyler went inside.

“I want you to stop hanging out with Josh.” Tyler’s mother’s voice was stern, the kind of tone that screams “this is not a request, this is an order” at him.

“He’s my only friend.” Tyler said, which was a lie, but his mother didn’t know that.

“You can make other friends. He’s a bad influence on you.”

“How?”

“He just is.”

Tyler stopped talking.

“I’m your mother, I know better than you do.” She winced at her words. “I know what’s best for you, is what I mean.”

Tyler nodded, not really listening anymore. Jay came bounding down the stairs and stopped when he saw Tyler.

“You’re back.”

Tyler nodded again.

“I’m glad you’re okay. Mom was worried.”

“I was.”

Tyler ignored her and went upstairs with Jay.

“Where were you?” Jay asked, sitting down at Tyler’s desk while Tyler tucked himself into bed.

“The tree house.”

“With Josh?”

“Yeah.”

“Mom doesn’t like Josh.”

“I know.”

“She probably thinks you’re gay.”

Tyler opened his eyes, staring at the wall, eyebrows drawn.

“What?” He said, sitting up to look behind him at Jay.

“You guys are good friends and gay rights stuff has been in the news lately. It’s probably on her mind and why she said you can’t hang out with him anymore.”

“So what if I was?” Tyler said, laying back down.

“I don’t know. She would tell dad.”

Tyler went silent. Jay understood. Their dad was not very open minded at the moment.

“But if you were,” Jay starts, careful and quiet. “You wouldn’t have to tell anyone.”

“No?”

“No. You’d probably have to tell Josh, though. Just in case he’s not cool with that.”

“Mm.” Tyler was tired, getting even more sleepy by the moment.

“I think he is though.”

“Mm?”

“Yeah. I could see you two like, dating or whatever.”

Tyler scoffed, huffing a small laugh.

“You could, if you wanted to.”

“If I wanted to…” Tyler mumbled, sighing. He shoved his face into his pillow and fell asleep.

The next day, a Sunday, Tyler felt awful. He was sore, probably from napping on beanbags, his eyes were hard to keep open, and no matter how long he slept he was still tired. It was probably his depression, he thought. His room was cold, so he didn’t move from his bed. He texted Josh.

_T: hey_

_J: hii_

_T: feel awful_

_J: u sick?_

_T: no_

_T: more like Bad Day awful_

_J: :(_

_J: wanna come over?_

Tyler stared at his phone. His brain screamed no, that he wanted to lie there until he was dust, that he couldn’t move if he tried. Tyler got up.

_T: sure_

_T: are your parents home?_

Tyler tried to ignore how suggestive that question could seem.

_J: nope :P_

_J: they went to sunday service_

_T: oh shit I totally forgot about sunday service_

_J: me too_

_J: but also im grounded so_

_T: for what?_

_J: listening to music that isn’t “godly”_

_T: booooo stupid_

_J: I know_

Tyler wondered what “godly” music even sounded like. He brushed his teeth without thinking about it and dressed warm just in case.

_T: leaving now_

_J: I shall await your arrival_

_T: doing english hw?_

_J: how could you tell?_

Tyler chuckled to himself as he left the house. 

Josh’s house wasn’t very close to Tyler’s, though not very far either. In terms of Ohio distances, it was a strong walk from one house to the next. In normal human language terms, it was nearly two miles. Strong walk. Tyler had walked there before, though (like any rational person) he preferred to drive. 

When he arrived (nothing interesting happened on the way there, it’s Ohio, there’s fucking nothing out there anyway) Tyler didn’t have to knock on the door. In fact, he went straight around to the back of the house where he knew the back door was unlocked.

As he entered the house he heard loud music playing. Josh came down the stairs and smiled at him. Hissmilewassocute-

“Hey,” Josh said, leaning on the railing.

“Hey,” Tyler repeated, walking to the stairs. “What band is this?”

“Death Cab For Cutie,” Josh answered, going back upstairs.

Cutie-

“Have you heard of them?” Josh went straight to his room and nearly jumped into his chair.

“Nope.” Tyler sat on Josh’s (verysoft) bed. “They sound good.”

“I love this one album of theirs…”

Josh talked about the bands he liked, Tyler listened. Josh never got to talk about his favorite bands with his siblings so he talked about them with Tyler. Tyler never had a restriction on the media he could consume so he never really felt the need to talk about it at all. 

Eventually Tyler slowly laid down on his side, still tired. It was Sunday.

Josh talked a while longer and then stopped. Not as if he had been interrupted, just finished talking. Itwasashamehisvoicewassonice-

“How are you feeling?” Josh asked, turning the music down quite a bit.

“Tired.” Tyler kicked his shoes off.

“Tired how?”

“Brain fried.”

“Hm.” Josh turned the music off, then switched it to something horribly familiar.

“Josh, turn that off,” Tyler moaned, pulling Josh’s pillow over his face. “I don’t want to hear myself sing while I feel like garbage.”

“I love this song, though.” Josh’s tone was teasing.

“I know you do, you’re always humming it.”

Josh left it on, humming along to the song.

“How did you even get that on your ipod?” Tyler glared over the pillow.

“You don’t know how to rip songs off of CDs?” Josh raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Oh my god,” Josh laughed. “You can take songs off a CD and put them on your ipod without having to buy them.”

Tyler stared at him.

“I can’t believe you didn’t know that.”

“I never needed to, I guess.”

Josh smiled and change the song.

Tyler sighed with relief and uncovered his face. He stared at the ceiling until his eyes were too tired to stay open, so then he closed them.

Josh was staring at him, but he didn’t know. Josh stared at Tyler a lot while he wasn’t looking. He’d gotten really good at predicting Tyler’s movements so that he would never get caught looking at Tyler. He had no idea why he did this. (yeshedidtylerwasreallycute)

As the first song ended and the next song started, Tyler rolled over to face Josh. He kept his eyes shut but reached out a hand. Josh stood from his chair and walked to the bed, completely silent. Tyler pulled him down to cuddle next to on the bed and sighed. Josh chanced running his fingers through Tyler’s hair and was relieved when Tyler simply sighed again.

“Sundays are the worst,” Tyler mumbled.

“Why?” Josh kept his voice small.

“Don’t know… Just bad…”

“How?”

“… Bad thoughts…”

“Like?”

Tyler was uncomfortable. Josh knew. But they both knew it was better to talk about it than to ignore it.

“Ty,” Josh prompted, running his fingers through Tyler’s hair again.

“… Wanna h-hurt myself…” Tears pricked in his eyes as he spoke, the words fighting to not exist. Saying them out loud made them far too real for Tyler. “Wanna die sometimes…”

Josh said nothing, only keeping a slow pace of combing through Tyler’s hair. Tyler cried, covering his face and shaking. The music continued to play.

Soon, Tyler was too tired to keep crying. Josh got up and found a washcloth, which he dampened and brought to Tyler to clean his face of his tears. Tyler scrubbed his face, then let the cloth stay there. Josh smiled as he climbed back onto the bed next to Tyler.

“I’m sorry.” Tyler’s voice was muffled by the cloth but Josh could tell it sounded riddled with guilt.

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

“… You shouldn’t have to worry about my stupid bullshit…”

“It’s not stupid.” Josh curled his arms around Tyler’s shoulders and hugged him tightly. “It’s okay to feel bad, and it’s really good to talk about it.”

“I hate it.”

“I know.”

Tyler removed the cloth from his face and threw it over Josh onto the floor. Josh stared at Tyler’s face and Tyler stared back.

“I’ve hurt myself before.” Tyler’s heart jumped and stopped at the same time as he spoke.

“Where?” Josh was calm.

“My wrists.” Tyler was shaking again. “My thighs. My sides.”

Josh took Tyler’s right wrist in his hand and held it.

“I’ve made myself throw up before, only once.”

“When?”

“Thanksgiving last year. Don’t want to do it again.”

“Good. I read somewhere that throwing up a lot can damage your teeth and throat.”

“Stomach acid is acid.”

Josh nodded. He didn’t know how to ask what he wanted to ask, but he tried anyway. “Have you ever tried to…?”

Tyler’s mouth snapped shut.

They stayed still, Josh waiting to see if Tyler would answer, Tyler waiting to see if Josh would change the subject. Eventually, their stalemate ended when Tyler sighed, too tired to hold out.

“… No.”

Josh let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“I’ve th-thought about it…” Tyler moved to hide his face in Josh’s neck. “I hate myself for that.”

“Please don’t. Hate yourself, kill yourself, please don’t do either.”

“I’m trying.”

“Thank you.”

Tyler felt a painful pull in his chest. Guilt, sorrow, anger, sadness, but above all, fear. He couldn’t place why.

“Tyler, please stay alive.” Josh’s tone was careful, not wanting to show that he was terrified of his friend’s admissions. “For me.”

It made sense then. He felt fear because he realized he had something to live for. Something so special, so strong, yet too fragile. Tyler kept his face hidden in Josh’s neck but his eyes were wide open, staring at the far wall. Josh held him, fearing if he let go Tyler would fade away. The music continued to play.

It was probably an hour before either of them made a move to get up. Tyler moved first, Josh let him get up and then followed him. Tyler went to the bathroom and washed his face again. He didn’t know why, he just felt he needed to. Josh brushed his teeth because he had forgotten to that morning.

Then they went downstairs. Tyler sat at the breakfast bar as Josh got out two bowls and a box of cereal.

“Are you okay?” Josh asked after handing Tyler a bowl of cereal.

“I’m better than I was this morning.” Tyler’s response was honest, and Josh smiled. “I’m scared though.”

“Why?”

“I’ve never been able to think of a reason not to hurt myself before.”

“Now you can?”

“Yeah.”

“What is it?”

“You.”

Josh knew already, he just wanted to hear Tyler say it out loud. Tyler shoved a spoonful of cereal in his mouth as Josh smiled. They ate their cereal quietly. 

“Josh,” Tyler said after a while.

“Hm?”

“You wanna come to my house and hang out in the tree house?”

“Sure, but why?”

“I want to write.”

“Okay.”

Josh didn’t need convincing. He knew that Tyler usually wrote when he felt down or had something to say. 

They left Josh’s house soon after eating. Josh knew the way to Tyler’s house and Tyler often got lost because of his being directionally challenged. Josh would often laugh about it while Tyler fumed over why a street never looked the same facing the other direction.

On the way, taking a different route than Tyler took to get to Josh’s house, they passed the church. Tyler stared into the stained windows, wondering if service was still going on. He concluded it probably was, since there were still many cars in the lot. He half wished his parents had woke him up to go, they always had those disgustingly good store bought sugar cookies at Sunday service. Josh did not wish he had been woken up to go. He was still mad at his parents and they were still mad at him. He had been grounded last night, so he rushed Tyler along the street to avoid any chance of his parents seeing him outside the house. 

Tyler’s house was still empty. They walked around it and into the woods. The tree house came into view and Josh jogged over to pull the string to let the ladder down. Tyler climbed up first, Josh followed, and Tyler sat down at the piano.

“Pick one,” Tyler said, pulling out unfinished sheet music.

Josh instantly grabbed the one titled “Before You Start Your Day” and held it out.

“Of course…” Tyler shook his head, but he smiled.

“I really like it,” Josh said, sitting in one of the beanbags.

“I can tell.”

Tyler worked on it. He started to play, tweaked somethings, sang quietly, rinsed and repeated. Josh watched intently, fascinated by Tyler’s process. Eventually Tyler seemed happy with it. Then, he began to play the song.

Josh stayed still and quiet. He was drawn in by the lyrics and the beautiful piano melody. Tyler sang, eyes shut, trying to make sure he knew the words to his own song. The soft song took a new turn and Josh was surprised. The piano swelled, louder and louder, then soft again.

_“Now you were made holy,”_ Tyler sang, holding a long note.

_“Open up your eyes and see,_

_The clouds above will hold you,_

_The clouds above will sing.”_

Josh tried not to cry. The song got softer.

_“And in your mind,_

_You’re singin’,_

_La-da, la-da, la-da, la-da, la-da, la-da-da.”_

Tyler sat back and sighed. Josh didn’t move. The tree branches around them swayed in the wind. The tree house was too quiet.

“That was amazing,” Josh said finally.

“Thanks,” Tyler felt his cheeks heat up as he smiled and rubbed his arm.

Josh let a beat pass of more silence. Then he stood and walked to the piano. Tyler watched as he reached for a rolled up poster from a band that he wasn’t allowed to like and pulled the rubber band from it.

“Here,” Josh said, holding the rubber band out to Tyler. “Put this on your wrist.”

“Why?” Tyler did it anyway.

“Snap it if you feel like hurting yourself or if you start to hate yourself.”

“Okay.” Tyler nodded. He looked down at his wrist, laden with old scars. He snapped the rubber band once. Twice. Josh put a hand on his shoulder. A third time.

They stayed in the tree house all morning, Tyler starting to write new songs and work on old ones. Josh found sticks fallen from the tree around them and began to drum them against the windowsill. Josh had told Tyler one day that he tried playing the drums in a guitar center once. They let him do it because they were about to close and no one was coming in. Tyler had asked “don’t you play the trumpet?” and Josh had said “yeah but the drums are more fun” and they agreed that hitting stuff was more fun than spitting into a brass tube.

Tyler had tried to learn the guitar once. A pastor at their church had asked if he knew how to play and if he could try to learn. He wanted Tyler to sing and play in the band at church, having heard from Tyler’s mother that he was interested in music. He found that the guitar felt too big and hurt his hands too much. The pastor wasn’t upset when he declined. Tyler played the piano, mostly because he had found it first. He couldn’t read sheet music in the beginning, but after lots of trial and error (and so much googling) he learned what every strange symbol meant. Now he could write sheet music. Josh was completely confused by sheet music.

“How do any of these little squiggles make sense to you?” He had asked Tyler a long time ago.

“You just give them meaning,” Tyler had answered, shrugging. He hadn’t known that that concept would become so important to him.

“You just give them meaning,” Tyler mumbled as he loomed over a fresh page of sheet music. Josh turned to him, pausing his drumming.

“What?”

“… Nothing.” Tyler scribbled a new melody down and tested it out. 

By around noon Josh admitted he should probably go home. Sunday service ended soon, so Tyler understood. They left the tree house and went to Tyler’s house to grab lunch. Josh talked about how excited he was for school to end and Tyler agreed. More time for them to hang out. Tyler decided to walk home with Josh, chancing getting lost on his way back but not wanting Josh to leave yet.

They walked back past the church and saw through the windows that people were getting ready to leave. The trees were beginning to change color, it was fall already. Josh walked slower as they came closer to his house, not wanting to stop talking to Tyler. Tyler walked slower too. Josh tried to talk about anything at all, making their conversation longer any way he could. Tyler took long pauses between sentences. Then they reached Josh’s front door and they both sighed.

“You have school tomorrow, right?” Tyler asked, knowing the answer.

“Yep.” Josh nodded.

“Well, you should come over after if you can.”

“I’ll try.”

They stood. They hugged. They held on to that hug for as long as they both deemed was long enough for very good friends. They stepped back. They hugged again, Tyler feeling like his world was ending for no reason, Josh feeling like he had finally found something he’d been looking for for years and then having to give it up. Irrational feelings. Josh kissed Tyler’s cheek and kept hugging him. Tyler pressed his face into Josh’s shoulder.

Eventually, Tyler left. Josh went inside.

As Tyler walked home he snapped the rubber band against his wrist. He thought about how his mother would be mad when she found out he had gone to see Josh on “the Lord’s day.” Snap. He thought about how sad Josh looked when he said goodbye. Snap. He thought about how he wished the sky would turn black and the earth would crack and open and swallow him up. Snap snap snap. He thought about Josh’s smile, his eyes, his hands, his hair, his bedroom floor that was covered in carpet that hid the loose floor boards that held his hidden CDs. He let go of the rubber band and looked ahead to the street. He didn’t know where he was, but he kept walking. Soon he saw the church and his family piling into their car. Jay saw Tyler and did not acknowledge him.

However, when they began to drive and passed Tyler going out of the parking lot, the car screeched to a halt and his mother came out of the car.

“Tyler?!” She shouted and pulled him into a hug. “What are you doing out here?”

“I wanted to take a walk,” Tyler lied. He knew why.

“Well, get in the car,” she said, pulling him along and opening the door for him. “You could’ve gotten lost, honey.”

“I didn’t.”

Jay patted his shoulder and showed him a funny text conversation. Their sister ignored them as she texted her friends. Their father eyed Tyler in the rear-view mirror. Their mother held her husband’s wrist as he drove, supportive of something Tyler didn’t want to hear about.

Back at home, his parents sat down together in the living room. Tyler was sat across from them. Tyler hated this. He wanted to snap the rubber band.

“Tyler,” his mother started, too sweet, too soft, he didn’t trust it. “We wanted to talk to you about something.”

He wanted to snap, snap, snap.

“Your mother and I have been worried about the kind of influence Josh is on you,” his father said. His tone was soft too, which made Tyler want to vomit for some reason. “We talked about it last night and we decided that-”

“Please don’t tell me we can’t be friends.” Tyler felt like his throat was being tied.

“What?” His father almost laughed. “No, Tyler, we decided that it’s probably better for you two to stay friends. You’re a good influence on him.”

Tyler’s world spun from relief.

“His mother came up to me and was asking about what you two do together,” his mother said. “I told her that you two like to make music together and that you never get in trouble. He’s been rebellious lately, according to her, and she was worried you were going to get in trouble because of him.”

Tyler bit his cheek.

“I told her that there was nothing to worry about and that you two are good friends.”

Tyler wanted to snap the rubber band.

“So don’t worry about it,” his father said, waving a hand and sitting back into the couch. “And go eat a banana or something, you look like you could use the potassium. Very pale right now.”

Tyler stood and nodded. His mother looked concerned. His father knew. Tyler went to his room and sighed deeply. It was better, the weight on his chest. He snapped the rubber band. It was still Sunday, though. Sundays were the worst. He texted Josh.

_T: hey_

_J: whats up_

_T: feel like garbage again_

_J: :(_

_J: call me_

Tyler did, dialing his number as he walked to his bed.

“Hey,” Josh said, barely letting the phone ring twice.

“Hi,” Tyler’s throat was tight for some reason. He shouldn’t be feeling bad or sad right now, his parents just said that he could keep being friends with Josh.

“You don’t sound very good, did something happen?”

“My parents say I’m a good influence on you,” Tyler said.

“… Okay? Did something bad happen?”

“I don’t know.” Tyler’s voice cracked and he realized he was crying.

“Do you need me to come over?”

“No.” Snap snap snap.

“Are you using the rubber band?”

“Too much.” Snap snap snap.

“Then stop.”

He stopped.

“Breathe for me, okay?”

Tyler sat in his bathroom, breathing.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay, that’s okay.”

“Is it?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

“Look around you and tell me what’s there.”

“Sink, toilet, shower-”

“You’re in the bathroom.”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay. Go to your room then.”

“Okay.”

He stood up and went to his room, sitting on his bed. Snap.

“Tyler, tell me what you’re thinking about.”

“Okay,” Tyler said, trying to think of anything at all that wasn’t what he wanted to say.

“Say something,” Josh said after a beat.

“I really like you.” Tyler couldn’t find a lie, so he didn’t. “I miss you. I want to be in your room again, on your bed together again, sleeping again. I want to be in the tree house again, making music together. I want to hug you, I miss you so much.”

Tyler’s fresh tears seared his cold cheeks.

“I miss you too,” Josh said. Tyler could hear him walking on the other line. The slam of a door. “Go to the tree house.”

“Okay.”

Tyler got up and left his room. He passed Jay in the hallway. Jay didn’t say anything. Madison poked her head out of her room as Tyler passed it. She smiled sympathetically. He passed his parents, still on the couch. They tried to ask him where he was going and his mother sounded worried, like she had seen his tears. His father gave up after asking once and calmed his wife as Tyler threw the door open and left the house.

“Are you leaving your house?” Tyler asked, listening to Josh open a window on his end of the call.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

Tyler got to the tree house and pulled the ladder down. He climbed up and sat at the piano bench, waiting. Josh stayed on the line as he walked to Tyler’s house.

“I’m almost there,” Josh said.

“Okay.” Snap.

“Are you in the tree house?”

“Yes.” Snap.

“It looks like it’s going to rain.”

“Yeah, it does.” Snap.

“I can see your house, I’m super close.”

“Good.” Snap. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

Josh climbed up the ladder and hung up the phone. As soon as Tyler saw him his stomach jumped and so did he. Up off the bench and into Josh’s arms, shoving his face into Josh’s shoulder. Josh held him against his chest and they stood there a while. Tyler went through a few waves of tears, then eventually he pulled back and wiped his face.

But then Tyler stayed close. He felt awful that he made Josh come all this way just to cry on his shoulder. He shouldn’t have to worry about Tyler’s struggles. Yet he did. Which made Tyler happy. And then he didn’t feel awful.

And then Tyler kissed Josh. It was small, scared, surprised on both ends, and short. Josh kissed Tyler back, small and short.

They sat on the beanbags together, curled under the blanket. The setting sun was blocked by storm clouds that rolled in. Josh told Tyler about the drum set that was on sale at the guitar center and how much he wanted them. Tyler listened and tried to think about anything other than kissing Josh again.

They kissed once more, slower this time. They both were inexperienced, so they kept it simple. 

They fell asleep in the tree house and only woke up when water started to drip on Tyler’s face. He looked up and saw water continuing to drip from the ceiling. He could hear the rain pelting the tree house. His first thought was that Josh wouldn’t be able to walk home. He woke Josh up and they left the tree house. 

As they entered Tyler’s house, most of the lights off, Jay was in the living room playing video games.

“Oh good, you didn’t get caught in a flood.” Jay didn’t look away from his game. 

“Thanks for being so worried,” Tyler said, rolling his eyes.

“Mom was going to go look for you, but dad convinced her it was okay.”

Tyler wants to thank his father for once.

“Maddy’s asleep so don’t be loud.”

“Ditto.” Tyler pulled Josh to the stairs. “Also don’t tell them Josh is here, he’s grounded.”

“What do I get?”

“A promise that none of your friends will see the video of you in the bath as a baby.”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Good.”

Josh giggled to himself as he and Tyler went up the stairs.

Tyler’s room was less clean than Josh’s was. Clothes were on the floor, shoved mostly under the bed, papers were strewn around his desk, and his bed was unmade. Tyler took Josh to his bathroom and gave him a towel to dry off with. Josh thanked him and Tyler left to find clothes to change into. Josh told himself not to watch, so he didn’t. Much.

“Here,” Tyler said, holding out a sweatshirt to Josh. He had changed already into dry clothes.

Josh pulled his shirt over his head and took the sweatshirt. Tyler did not stare at Josh’s chest. (hepromiseshedidntlookformorethanfiveseconds)

“Thanks,” Josh said. He definitely didn’t notice that the sweatshirt smelled like pine trees, like Tyler.

“I hope the rain lets up,” Tyler said, looking out his window. “I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“I don’t care.” Josh had gotten up and joined Tyler in his room. “I like hanging out with you more than I like being in my parents’ good graces.”

“Me too.” Tyler hugged Josh around his middle. He wanted to go back to sleep. Josh did too. 

They moved to the bed and cuddled next to each other. Tyler got a text from his brother.

_J: hey dont do weird stuff okay?_

Tyler tossed his phone off his bed onto a pile of clothes, rolling his eyes and hiding his pink cheeks in Josh’s chest.

“What was that?” Josh chuckled.

“My brother is stupid.”

“I already knew that.”

“Good, don’t forget.”

Josh brought his hands up to Tyler’s hair and ran his fingers through gently. Tyler was tired already, so it barely took half an hour to fall asleep again. While Tyler was asleep,

Josh looked around Tyler’s room. 

He noticed that there was a sketchbook on Tyler’s desk. Josh wondered if Tyler drew at all or if the sketchbook was for lyrics. But he knew that Tyler used regular notebooks for lyrics. Maybe he liked to draw. Josh wished he could get up and see. But stayed, brushing his fingers through Tyler’s hair and listening to him breathe. Eventually, Josh also fell asleep.

The next morning, when Tyler woke up with morning breath and Josh had a sore shoulder, Josh got a call from his mother.

“You should answer it.” Tyler’s words sounded funny because he was brushing his teeth. Josh nodded.

“Hello?” Josh would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about how she would react.

“Where are you?” His mother’s tone was surprisingly calm.

“Tyler’s house.”

“Okay.” Josh heard his father on the other line telling her to ask about something else. “Make sure you eat breakfast and get to school on time.”

“Yes Ma’am.” Josh felt sweat bead on his neck. He forgot it was a school day. “… Am I in trouble?”

Tyler watched intently.

“No, honey. If you’re at Tyler’s house, you’re not in trouble. Please don’t let your grades slip, though.” His father sounded mad behind his mother’s soft tone. “Also, we want to talk when you get home. About the drums.”

“Okay.” Josh figured he had died at this point. “I’ll be home right after school.”

“Okay honey. Be safe.”

Josh hung up and stared at Tyler. Tyler raised his eyebrows.

“I’m not in trouble,” Josh said, blinking slowly. “I’m not in trouble?”

“That’s good!” Tyler stepped over to him. “Isn’t it?”

“Yes?”

“Why are you so unsure?” Tyler laughed a little.

“Because it’s too surreal!” Josh shook his head and sat down on the edge of Tyler’s bed. “I sneaked out, ignored their calls all night, stayed over at your house- I should be in trouble!”

“But you’re not.” Tyler sat down next to him. “Maybe this is a turning point with them?”

Josh looked at Tyler. God, he hoped so.

“You have to get to school.” Tyler stood.

“Oh shit,” Josh said, standing as well. “How am I gonna get out of the house without being seen by your parents?”

“I’m gonna take a chance and say just walk out?” Tyler sounded unsure, but Josh trusted him even if he didn’t trust himself.

Josh did just walk right out of their house. Tyler’s mother said good morning to him and Tyler’s father waved with a wide smile. Jay watched frozen, mid-bite of cereal. Maddy ignored them. Tyler walked with Josh until he could almost not see his house. A safety measure for the directionally challenged Tyler. Josh felt confident, courageous, and he kissed Tyler. Tyler felt lost in thought, and welcomed the distraction. Neither cared that they were outside, neither cared that they were in Ohio (not the most welcoming place for “homosexual acts” let alone heterosexual PDA). They kissed and Josh left for school. Tyler watched for a while, then turned back to go home. Perhaps this was a turning point.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! It's just about the only piece of my own writing that I will constantly come back to reread when I'm back in the mood that inspired me to write it. That mood is hard to explain because it's a feeling, but I hope it came through in the writing! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Leave a kudos, comment, bookmark, or whatever regular users of this site do! I don't use it enough!  
> <3


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